Window Into My Healing Soul: PART 2: STIGMA: MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL CHALLENGES. HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO THEM?

Welcome back for Part 2, my friends. So much to share, so much to say. I could do a separate blog post on most of this. And maybe there will be on some. In the meantime, take your time reading and understanding this post. It could save lives.

So, how do we become stigma-free?

To be stigma-free, we must be judgment-free, label-free, comparison-free and shame-free. The answer is the same two-word sermon that Dieter F. Uchtdorf taught. STOP IT! Stop the judgment. Stop the labeling. Stop the comparison. Stop the gossiping. Stop the shame. Stop it.

Show compassion one to another and yourself. Be merciful. Be nonjudgmental. Be kind. Listen. Be understanding and supportive. This is not just the blues that someone can "shake off" or simply "just cheer up." Empathize with them. Believe them. Believe that what they are enduring is real.

Mental illness itself is not scary when understood, supported and treated. If you fear mental illness or those who have mental illness; if you do not know how to respond or what to say, know that an underlying cause is a lack of knowledge and too much stigma getting in the way. Sadly, the result is too many people with mental illness that are left untreated and unsupported.

I want to share a few things to help set aside myths and confusion that add to or encourage stigma. There are a lot of different mental and emotional challenges. I intend to speak mostly broadly about them, but may touch on a couple of specific ones as I go.

First, understand that mental and emotional disorders are not rare.

"They are more common than cancer, diabetes or heart disease."
One in five Americans has some form of mental health diagnosis.

"One in four people in the world will be affected by mental illness at some time in their lives."
Many of these people are the people you regularly interact with. - A friend once told me that part of the reason people were slow to reach out to help me was that they could not conceive in their mind that someone like me might be depressed or have anxiety.
More people are suffering than you know. They often suffer in isolation and in shame.

Second, understand that mental and emotional disorders do not discriminate.

While there are many causes and certain risk factors, it can happen to anyone.

It can happen to YOU.
These illnesses can develop in the best of environments.
Children can, and do, have mental health conditions. This is not an indication of bad parenting.
There is not one stereotype for mental illness.

Among the more globally known and respected people who have experienced

depression or anxiety: Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Mother Teresa, Steve Young, Robin Williams, Jeffrey R. Holland and Donny Osmond.
bipolar: Carrie Fisher, Patty Duke, Mariah Carey, Mel Gibdon, Demi Lovato, Russell Brand, Ernest Hemingway, Sinead O'Connor and Frank Sinatra.
autism: Dan Aykroid, Temple Grandin, Daryl Hannah, Sir Anthony Hopkins, Roseanne Barr and Jerry Seinfield.
ADHD/ADD: Simone Biles, Michael Phelps, Justin Timberlake, Adam Levine, Howie Mandel and Glenn Beck.
OCD: Leonardo DiCaprio, Daniel Radcliffe, Cameron Diaz, Howie Mandel, Justin Timberlake, Billy Bob Thornton and David Beckham

Third, understand that mental illness is as real as any other illness.

We know that mental or emotional health disorders are no different than having high blood pressure, cancer, a seizure disorder or diabetes. Individuals with these disorders are not told to "just snap out of it." This is no different.

We also know that there are proven treatments to help many feel better.
We know that mental heath problems are not a personality weakness, character flaw, a lack of willpower, or a spiritual or moral failing.

In fact, most people who experience mental health challenges are among the most faithful, compassionate, creative, hard working, strong and brave people you will ever meet.

A mental illness does not make someone less of a person. They just have different experiences that not everyone has to face.

Fourth, understand there are many factors that can contribute to our mental and emotional state; both internally and externally.

Too often people want to compare or minimize what the person is experiencing; often thinking they are faking it or that the solution is simple. Take a pill, think positive, have faith, just exercise. It can be much more complex that that.
We all experience down days or some anxiety; mental illness is more than a bad day.

The following is not meant to be a complete list, however, all of these can affect the state of the brain. Often, more that one is involved:

Biological factors

Nutritional deficiencies or toxicities
Chemical imbalances
Hormone imbalances
Brain chemistry
Brain damage due to a head injury; other injuries
Chronic or ongoing medical concern or illness
Imbalance in intestinal flora
Neurological issues
Even something so simple as an infection or allergy can put the whole chemistry situation upside down.

Genetic predisposition or family history of mental health problems
Life experience

Abuse: including physical, verbal, sexual, mental or emotional
Neglect: physical or emotional
Trauma related to military combat
Prolonged and/or repeated trauma
A traumatic event, such as the death of a loved one, financial loss or divorce.
In the case of PTSD and Complex PTSD, "unprocessed trauma changes physiology. It rewires the brain. Trauma leaves traces on the mind and emotions, on our capacity for joy and intimacy and on our biology and immune systems." (Bessel van der Kolk).

Fifth, understand that there are a range of mental illnesses and they effect each individual differently. They vary in length and severity.

Sometimes these challenges are temporary, sometimes intermittent, sometimes mild and sometimes they are severe and persistent, sometimes throughout a lifetime.
Sometimes those who develop mental health challenges or illness can be impaired in their ability to cope with the routines and daily demands of life.
Sometimes they manage just fine with supports in place.

They often "contribute to a host of problems that may include disability, pain, or death."
One of the inherent challenges in these struggles is that, "Mental health affects our thoughts, emotions, behavior and relationships."
Such conditions are often emotionally draining and confusing for the individual, as well as for loved ones.
The way the mind works when thus afflicted may not make sense, but it does not need to make sense to be respected.

Speaking of major depressive disorder, Jeffrey R. Holland describes it as "an affliction so severe that it significantly restricts a person's ability to function fully, a crater in the mind so deep that no one can responsibly suggest it would go away if those victims would just square their shoulders and think more positively -- though I am a vigorous advocate of square shoulders and positive thinking! No, this dark night and spirit is more than mere discouragement.

Be gentle with yourselves and with those who struggle.

Sixth, understand that the vast majority of people with mental health problems are no more likely to be violent than anyone else.

Only 3%-5% of violent acts can be attributed to individuals living with a serious illness.
Actually, people with mental illness are over 10 times more likely to be victims of violent crime than the general population.
You probably know someone with a mental health problem and don't even realize it, because many people with mental health problems are highly active and productive members of our communities, as noted above.

Seventh, understand that everyone has his or her own path to healing or managing mental illness. Just as symptoms and concerns can manifest in unique ways even when individuals have the same diagnosis, their approach to healing or managing these disorders will be individual.

Many forms of treatment can and do help. Each person must find his/her own path, walk his/her own journey and do what works for him/her. No stigma.
The approach or treatment may change from time to time. That is okay.
We can learn from the journey of others. It is very unhealthy, however, if one is comparing with someone else or contributing to blame or shame. If so, Stop It.
We may not be able to alter the journey, but we can make sure no one walks it alone.

A daily walk through the mountains or daily exercise is often enough for some.
Yoga or a spiritual practice helps some.
Therapy is vital for most. At least for a time.
For some, balancing brain chemistry takes a different approach with vitamins, minerals or other supplements. Many have found excellent results there.
Medications are effective for some and not for others or they did not find the right one. There is no shame in taking pills if it helps someone to feel better and function better.

Please, please, please STOP THE PILL SHAMING. If you have high blood pressure, diabetes, or a seizure disorder, it is rare to have someone shame you for taking a pill. With mental health, that stigma shows up in the form of PILL SHAMING and the reality of this it that it is hurting people.

Taking medication is something that needs to be done thoughtfully, carefully and with patience, It is not always simple to find the right medication or combinations of medications or dealing with the side effects.

From many of my experiences I recommend finding someone who specializes in these kinds of medications, such as a psychiatrist.

Most often medications are only a part of the puzzle.
Often it takes a multi-faceted approach to treatment.
For me, my journey has taken me a lot of places and I have tried many things.

My journey includes an approach that addresses the physical, spiritual, mental, social and emotional.
I have a small but deliberate support system and a wellspring of tools in my wellness toolbox.
Counseling plays a big part in my healing and coping. It is a life line for me.
Vitamins, yoga, mindfulness, DBT group, EMDR, neurofeedback have all been a part of my journey at one time or another and each one has helped me and empowered and contributed to my healing and coping process.
Acceptance has been key.
Overcoming stigma has been key.
Discovering false beliefs or thinking errors has been key.
Learning new ways of seeing and thinking has been key.
Diligence has been key.
Medications have been key.
I have always needed a multifaceted approach.

Eighth, understand that all emotions are part of our human endowment, even those that have received the label of "negative emotions".

We live in an emotion-phobic society.
We normalize the false idea that emotional struggle is a form of weakness.
We are often taught to suppress emotion, be intolerant of it and respond with shaming, punishment or neglect. We are told to "cowboy up!" Don't cry, Don't be sad. Don't be afraid. And yet we are told in Holy Scripture that there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven ... a time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
Joseph B. Wirthlin said, "How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can't - at least not in the moment. I don't think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I do not think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness."
You see, "good mental health isn't about feeling happy and confident 100% of the time and ignoring any problems. It's about living and coping well despite the problems.
Hank Smith said, "It is not about forcing happiness, it is about not letting sadness win."

C.S. Lewis wisely said, "The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say, 'My tooth is aching' than to say, 'My heart is broken.'"
We all need to be honest with our feelings. Embrace them. Feel them. Acknowledge them. Just sit with them without judgement. Observe.
Be real when talking to people. Yes it is vulnerable. Yes, there are some people that you will not need to be that vulnerable with. Vulnerability takes courage.
Mr. Rogers observed, "When we can talk about our feelings, they can become less overwhelming, less upsetting and less scary." "There are times when explanations, no matter how reasonable, just don't seem to help.

Ninth, understand that everyone matters, everyone is needed, everyone is important.

--There is not one person above another. We are all the same -- human beings.

--Our worth is infinites and divine.
--Our worth is not changeable.
--We did not come here to earn our worth, we brought it with us.
--We are worthy of love. Unconditionally.
--We are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.

-- It is OK to be brOKen.

Brokenness is a gift. Our brokenness brings us together. Our Brokenness is how we learn and grow and become.

Think about trial for a minute. When we are broken in trial, that is where we learn our strengths and knowledge. We cannot learn to embrace our own strengths and knowledge without breaking first.